A View From Your Future

Thursday, September 19, 2013 8:18 PM by Taylor Studios in Professional and Industry Tips


Most of us are familiar with some variation of Mark Twain’s quote: “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” In part, it seems to say that age and/or aging are not good or bad, they just are. They happen to everyone. The experts in Karl Pillemer’s book “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans” would no doubt agree. Looking back over the years they have already lived, they have some advice for those of us who still have a way to go.

In scanning through all the lessons presented in chapter 5, “Lessons for Aging Fearlessly and Well”, I felt it was best to use Lesson #2 as the starting point because it’s advice that most of us can actively use right now: Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years. What surprised me about this advice is that they did not exhort us to eat our fruits and veggies, get enough sleep, be active and find ways to de-stress, even though these are all good practices. Instead, they noted that many people with bad health habits mentally write them off with the attitude of, “oh well, you have to die from something,” or express a willingness to exchange a few years of life for the enjoyment of smoking or over eating. Don’t be fooled, they collectively say. Vices that affect your health do not guarantee an easy way out by virtue of a shorter life. You are more likely to be trading the enjoyment of smoking or over eating for many years of suffering and chronic disease in later life. One 84 year old expert warned, “What you do when you’re young, it will hunt you up when you get old.” And not to reward you, I’m thinking.

Now back to the Lesson #1: Being old is much better than you think! Many of the experts reported that they felt a freedom from the many things that populate middle life. They felt less responsible for the lives of others, felt the freedom to “do as you please”, and felt “much clearer” about their lives. They also exhibited the attitudes of explorers. One 94 year old expert’s summary of being old included these words: “The world is a magical place in a lot of ways.” “Just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean that you need to stop growing.” “There’s no reason for anybody in this world to ever be bored.” An 86 year old expert concluded, “Not the end of the road. You’re still on a road that you don’t see the end of yet.” Curiosity, exploration and learning are possible at any age and, just maybe, you’ll have more time for it all when you are older!

The author starts Lesson #3 by explaining that he was reluctant to approach a subject he saw as not only taboo, but scary: “I confess the whole death thing has pretty much scared the daylights out of me since I became aware of it at age four or so.” But how can you write about experts at living if you don’t look at how they are approaching the inescapable end of life? So the author preserved and asked, “What are your feelings about the end of life?” Expecting emotion, he noted that, whether religious or not, most experts answered the question in a matter-of-fact tone. One expert mused, “I know about as much about it as the most learned men in the world, I would imagine.” It seems the fear of dying is a young person’s game. The experts would advise to not worry about dying. They don’t.

Lesson #4 cautions those of us in middle age to take seriously the threat of isolation in later life. The reality is that Americans are at great risk to become isolated as they age. There are many reasons for this, and the experts do exhort here to make a conscious effort beginning in middle

age to stay connected. Have a plan to stay connected through new learning opportunities and relationships; stay connected socially, mentally and emotionally.

Indeed, Mr. Twain. Aging fearlessly and well is a matter of mindset. As is living a fulfilling life.

What is your advice for living successfully?

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