I bet most people would answer “yes” to this question. Yet, it might be a rare form of communication. Just today I heard two stories of people avoiding direct communication.

In the first story, the person did not want to attend a family event over the weekend. She didn’t want to drive over six hours, drink a bunch, sleep on the floor and then feel terrible the next day. She told me she made up a story in order to get out of attending. She felt very guilty for making up the story. It was stewing around in her head. It was taking up mind share. I asked her what would happen if she just told this family member the truth that she didn’t want to come. She said that is not how her family works. It’s just easier to make up a story.

In the second story, a business representative told the chamber of commerce that the business was here for the community. She gave an example of how her company donated to a recent golf outing in another community. When the chamber asked her for $50 for an upcoming golf outing, they were told her business can only donate when given more than two weeks notice. The chamber pointed out that the event was a month away, but they haven’t heard from her again. They wondered why she couldn’t just be more direct instead of what they perceived as a story.

What are some of the consequences of not being direct?

• You risk hurting the relationship

• You lose trust

• It takes up your mindshare

• It takes more effort, lowers productivity

• It is dysfunctional

• If you don’t talk it out, you will probably act it out later

• You don’t get the results you want

Taylor Studios has a culture of direct communication. We hold people accountable. We teach and encourage on how to have crucial conversations. If something is bugging you, that is a sign to go have a conversation. We often refer to the book Crucial Conversations when we are struggling with how to communicate better. We remind ourselves that often it is just the stories in our head that get us in trouble, not the facts.

Do you communicate directly? Do you have the courage to have direct conversations?

“One of my problems is that I internalize everything. I can’t express anger; I grow a tumor instead.” – Woody Allen